(Beegees): “So you can’t tell by the way I use my walk, that I used to be a man, a manly man”—-

Therefore:

(Lady Gaga): “Lets have some fun this beat is sick, can you not beat me with your transphobe stick?”

I wish the world was this simple, its not though,  I know it all to well. And if you are a trans person living on this planet in 2011, you know that the community has traveled a lot of miles over the years, but none of those roads have lead to a regular bedroom relationship for all of us in a cis world. Attraction after all is not something we can change for someone, its up to the individual. And like former Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau said in 1967 as he removed homosexuality laws nation wide : “there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.” So fetchin’ the law on them won’t fix it nor through the democratic process either. And so we must follow suit, as trans people, and try our best to convince the vast majority that we deserve love and have a lot of it to give. And so take this list below as my shot to convince the masses why dating us is a pretty damb good idea.

1) If we are straight identified trans persons, we had your body once before. We know its secrets, its wants, its needs and its limits. We may not have liked that old body (we hated it more than taxes) but it didn’t stop us from learning all about that body to an extreme level of knowledge that you probably wouldn’t have fathomed possible.

2) I challenge anyone out there to find a group with more guts, tenacity, and inner strength. Even though folks like me, who were privileged enough to go through another round of bullying in my 30s, (first was in public school) it would take a lot for any of us even stagger on any typical relationship woe.

3) Liberal minded, I think we invented that. You have a fetish?; a 6th toe?; an extra large collection of comic books and children’s toys? these are nothing we would find weird and feel free to display them anywhere.  All we need to know is that they make you happy because if anyone out there knows the importance of contentment, its us.

****Ok disclaimer here: I know some of you will disagree at these items, maybe they are too general? Maybe a 6th toe is a huge turn off? Then I do apologize and your right, trans folks are just a varied as any other community.  But we are on the topic of dating and my post is still too short. Maybe I best make my list that is Josie-centric. For all of you out there then, please be advised I am a straight woman who dates only men. (here goes nothing)

1) Me?, Fellas you never need to worry about me! No saving the damsel required. I look after myself JUST FINE. You tired of a nagging girlfriend that wants you to do everything for her?  Not this chick. I shovel my driveway, do my own car maintenance, know how to use power tools, and even build my own house. (doing it shortly) Actually there is little I would ever expect you to do for me but be a genuine and kind person

2) Money? got my own and don’t need or want yours.

3) OK before the bossy-gal-red-alert goes off, let me give you some clarification. A) do you like doing things for me? they would be most appreciated if you did them, but they are by no means required. B) You don’t need lots of money to spend on me. Coffee is the best date of all. :) And I am old fashion. Even if the dinner or the movie is my treat, I would still slip you the money under the table to let you pay. (if you felt more comfortable with that) c) I LOVE gentlemen. Open a door for me?, push in my chair?, hold my hand, I think I love you already. Romance is wonderful and takes you more places with me than you will know.

4) I have no baby fever, nor ticking clock, nor problem with you already having kids.

5) Though I am chemically female, my hormone levels are constant and do not fluctuate so mood swings never happen for me.

***Disclaimer 2: Cisgender women I am not trying to spread hate with these things above, just pointing out my difference to you. Turns out the majority of men find infertile women very unattractive but my hope is to find one that doesn’t. As a single gal with so little prospects, just looking to use anything I got.

My only 2 rules, -don’t cheat on me and go and -do whatever you like that is legal. My life is way to busy to care what your up too.

Well that’s the best I have right now, but I must say I doubt these words will be read by potential dates here.  I did this list as an FYI and also to maybe to show any troubled trans folks listeners some powerful things they might not have known they had.  For me just telling people I am trans makes man-shaped holes in the wall right after I finish the sentence.  Thats pretty powerful I must say!

I posted this a while back:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lawr2/men_of_reddit_would_you_date_a_transwoman_preop/

as an attempt to find better answers to how I should be going about finding a mate. It was quite surprising how many interested guys are out there, covered by the guise of this text based anonymous poll.

But past that poll it did not give me any leads as to how to deal with my situation locally.  So whats a gal to do. Do I tell them on first date?, 3rd date?, on the wedding night?  Upfront has been disaster for everyone involved thus far.  And yet using the methods above and waiting seems to lead to a transphobe’s “inherent right” to think they can make you a TDOR statistic with just cause. And what a weak display of power that is.  In fact I wrote this line for my speech last weekend at the NSRAP org’s TDOR in Halifax:

“The transphobe is so feable minded that they think my gender expression has influence on their own self expression or even sexual orientation.  Nothing could be further from the truth because I even had the wrong physical body attached to my brain for decades and it never faltered mine.”

Though I think the message in that quote is powerful, it sure didn’t score me a date this Saturday night.  Heck, the more trans advocacy I do, the more people I meet, the more my date chances go down here.  Sadly for we trans people this is all too true. We can be virtuous and right about the way things are and should be or we can close our eyes and wish away the transgender truth for a shot at that grim chance at finding a mate.  And me just joining the dating world again after 2 1/2 years of rolling solo, I have found but 2 ways I may be able to bag a man 1) be completely stealth and try to “convert” a guy into thinking dating a trans girl is ok after he’s hooked. 2) Try to turn a blind eye at the trans fetishists who want their “yucky” fix and pretend we could actually have a relationship someday.  Sadly the middle guy who likes transwomen outright and can keep BOTH hands on his keyboard are the rarest male specimen of all.

But this does not mean I am not trying. Wait..no, I am not trying..not in the usual ways. What I have vowed is I am just going to let things happen when the world brings them to me.  Will I tell him first thing or wait? I have no idea really. I think I have thought that question out too much!  I know he’s out there somewhere, and he’s in for a wild time when we meet. It’s going to be 3 years soon since I have dated and I have ALOT *wink wink*  of catching up to do.

Well thanks for tuning in and I hope you’ll stick around for the new release from George Michael and Rihanna called  “Faith under the Umbrella”

hugs all;

Josie